


Swap and Smell the Rose Garden

by AlexSeanchai



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Bodyswap, F/M, Identity Reveal, Jealous Lila Rossi, Mistaken Identity, More Than Canon-Typical Violence, One-Sided Chloé Bourgeois/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Podfic Welcome, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Season/Series 03 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexSeanchai/pseuds/AlexSeanchai
Summary: "They're right to say you're jealous!" protests Lila, with a sideways glance at Adrien. "You—Marinette, you shouldn't be ashamed of your art! You just need to work harder and stop wanting to beme." That isn't a sweet smile: something about the eyes. "And I'm sure the right person for you is out theresomewhere."Okay,fuck this noise. "Adrien got me to autograph the CD insert of his copy of Jagged Stone'sRock Giant," Marinette says flatly. "Because I am Adrien'svery good friend, and he only ever talks toyouwhen you give him no other choice. And I don't know what art medium youactuallywork in, but if it's figure drawing I bet you're still on stick people. And you have never met Jagged Stone in yourlife."Go on.Tell meI'm jealous of you over your art talent. Or over Adrien. Go on, Idareyou.Lila's mouth works soundlessly. For a long silent moment, no one moves. Then Lila bursts into sobs and flees.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 86
Kudos: 729





	1. look before you leap, still waters run deep

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [ML fic idea](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/550147) by numbuh-7-knd. 



> ~~for my birthday I want fic comments~~ hobbit birthday present!
> 
> The most recently aired episode as of when I began this fic was "Timetagger". Subsequent canon has been incorporated at my whimsy; in particular, this doesn't cohere with "Ladybug" and Battle of the Miraculous—except, of course, for where it does.

"—still working on my designs, of course—"

Marinette puts her head on her desk and her arms over her head, praying to every friendly god both large and small for the end of free period to come quickly, so their teacher can command student silence. Because Lila fucking Rossi. Will not. Fucking. Shut _up_.

"—sure to see them in the October issue of _Style Queen_ —"

Something snaps. Marinette glances over, worried it's someone's temper: Chloé's pen is in pieces on her desk. (It's one of the expensive ones Adrien gave her; he looks distressed.) Chloé herself, the corner of her mouth twitching, has her phone out and dialing. "Justine, darling," she says, cool and collected, when the call connects. "Chloé Bourgeois. I know my mother's terribly busy, so could you take a message for her?" Marinette can't make out the other speaker's words. "Yes, I just heard the oddest thing. One of my classmates, Lila Rossi? She told us her designs will be featured in the October issue, and I'm certain featured designers are not to discuss that in public until the issue is released."

Chloé pauses, looking sideways at Lila, who continues chattering to Alya and Mylène, ignoring Chloé. Marinette sits up, unsure whether to watch Lila, Chloé, or the door and windows.

"Lila Rossi," she repeats to Justine. "Elle i elle a, erre o esse esse i." Pause. Chloé glances pointedly at Adrien, who's keeping a tense eye on Lila, then at Marinette, and smirks. "You say," she says, moving the phone a little away from her face and raising her voice, projecting to fill the classroom, "you have no record of anything concerning Lila Rossi in any issues of _Style Queen_ whatsoever."

Alya, halfway through an excited question to Lila, stops dead and turns to stare at Chloé.

"How fascinating," Chloé continues, almost singsong. "It sounds like Lila _lied_. Thank you so much, Justine. And there's no need to bother my mother after all—one lying lycée student is certainly not worth the director of _Style Queen_ 's time."

She ends the call and gives Lila her sweetest smile.

Lila conceals her glower. "How _could_ you, Chloé?" she asks, lip trembling. "You hate me so much you'd _lie_ about me?"

This is going to end in an akuma attack, probably Volpina or Chameleon targeting Chloé or Marinette, and Marinette is frankly too overwhelmed with unfamiliar and worrying feelings of bubbly joy at Chloé's delightfully bitchy existence to _care_. "Chloé," Marinette says, "I owe you a fruit basket. Or possibly a bouquet."

Chloé goes faintly pink in the face. Oops. Better not call attention to whatever embarrassed her: bad enough Marinette herself and (she can tell) Adrien have already noticed.

"Alya," Marinette continues, "and _everyone_ who thinks I've been saying Lila is a liar because I'm jealous of Lila, _you_ owe me an apology. Because, shock and horror, _Lila is a liar_."

"They're right to say that!" protests Lila, with a sideways glance at Adrien. "You—Marinette, you shouldn't be ashamed of your art! You just need to work harder and stop wanting to be _me_." That isn't a sweet smile: something about the eyes. "And I'm sure the right person for you is out there _somewhere_."

Okay, _fuck this noise_. "Adrien got me to autograph the CD insert of his copy of Jagged Stone's _Rock Giant_ ," Marinette says flatly. "I was interviewed for last April's issue of _Metal Lourd_ because nobody understood why _the Jagged Stone_ wanted a fourteen-year-old unknown to design his album cover." Lila's lips press into a thin line. Marinette continues, "I still get preteen Adrien fangirls yelling at me in the streets because they were looking at paparazzi photos from the day that fragrance commercial dropped. Photos that only happened because his fans were extra crazy that day and he came looking for _me_."

This is not how it happened, but Adrien will back her up, she's sure.

"Because I am Adrien's _very good friend_ ," Marinette continues, biting out each quoted word for emphasis, "and he only ever talks to _you_ when you give him no other choice. And I don't know what art medium you _actually_ work in, but if it's figure drawing I bet you're still on stick people. And you have never met Jagged Stone in your _life_."

Mylène is frantically thumbing at her phone. "She's telling the truth, Lila," she says, looking up. "I don't know about the autograph, but the article's real and so are the photos."

Ah, verifying Marinette's claims. Which is _hilarious_ , since no one's ever verified Lila's. "Which is lucky for you," Marinette adds lightly and as though Mylène hasn't spoken, folding her arms and leaning back. "Fang would probably think you're dinner."

_Go on. **Tell me** I'm jealous of you over your art talent. Or over Adrien. Go on, I **dare** you._

Lila's mouth works soundlessly. For a long silent moment, no one moves. Then Lila bursts into sobs and flees.

Adrien shoves himself up from his desk. "Chloé," he says, audibly frustrated, "thank you, you're the best. But also, has it occurred to you Ladybug might want your help more often if you made less work for her? Marinette—"

He stops. Then dashes after Lila without a backwards glance.

And he can take his line about _making a bad guy suffer has never turned them into a good guy_ and shove it up his fine ass, Marinette thinks. She doesn't _care_ if Lila's ever a good guy. But maybe now Lila will _stop_. Chat Noir will agree with her, in five or ten minutes when he shows up to help handle the akuma Lila is certainly about to become.

…Marinette should probably be following Lila.

She really, really doesn't want to. Texting Chloé (who is now redoing the polish on a chipped nail, studiously ignoring everyone else) as Ladybug to say _I have been trying to tell people Lila lies since she FIRST ARRIVED, thank you so much for saying this believably_ is another option Marinette has, and a much more pleasant one. Not that she wants to _encourage_ Chloé behaving in high-akuma-risk ways, of cou—

 _Ding_.

Marinette swipes her phone unlocked, frowns at the newest message in her red-tinted text app (the same app she uses as Marinette, only then it's blue with different alert sounds, and doesn't route through Tikki's magic), and resolutely does not wonder which Lycée Anaïs Nin student saw Lila in a temper and either _is_ or _can contact_ Chat Noir to warn Ladybug about the odds of an incoming akuma. She sends 🐞 in reply.

"Um," says Alya, in an uncharacteristically small voice. "Marinette. Do…you think…"

She does not know what to make of Alya's expression: more hangdog than foxlike.

"When Lila first arrived," Alya says, waving her phone, open to the Ladyblog tab with the 'Ladybug's Best Friend' interview. "If I asked Ladybug—"

Marinette takes a deep breath; she is not angry with her friend. Especially not right now. "Alya, if _you_ were Ladybug's best friend, would you want to tell the world?"

"Of course! But I _wouldn't_!"

"Would _Ladybug_ want you to tell the world," Marinette corrects.

"…of course not," Alya says, slumping.

"And," Marinette continues, willing to be patient now Alya's finally listening, "you know how often akumas Chloé didn't have anything to do with target her because she says she's Ladybug's friend, right? It doesn't matter whether it's true." It's more true than it was this morning, but Marinette is not about to admit that.

Alya nods.

"So why would you think it was a good idea to post that interview?" Marinette presses, ever so gently.

Shaking her head, Alya sinks into her seat. "Because I believed her," she tells her desk. "I've _talked_ to Ladybug since, I could have— Why did I believe her?" She looks up, her gaze finding (Marinette turns) Nino, just coming in the door with Alix right behind him. Free period must be almost over. "Nino," pleads Alya, "why did I believe her?"

Nino gives Alya a blank look. "What did I miss?"

* * *

Sometimes this superhero gig _bites_.

Adrien doesn't dare follow Lila into the girls' restroom as Adrien, nor does he have quite enough reason to go in as Chat Noir, no matter _how_ confident he is that there is about to be a little purple butterfly fluttering right to her. That Volpina, or Chameleon, or some fascinating new problem, is about to come after two of his best friends for hurting her, when Lila wouldn't be upset to begin with if Lila weren't in the habit of _lying_ to people.

Maybe Marinette was right, months ago, Adrien thinks, on one knee pretending to tie his shoe so it doesn't look odd to those passing that he's waiting near the restroom door. Today is the first Adrien has heard of Lila claiming more artistic success than Marinette can prove she has achieved, but that doesn't mean today is the first time Lila has told a lie that targets Marinette—

Fuck, maybe Lila hurt Marinette by lying before Adrien ever _met_ Lila! he thinks with dawning horror. Marinette fights her own battles, always; maybe she's been so determined to prove Lila a liar all along _because Lila hurt her_ , and she simply hasn't told anyone _why_. She hates liars and he thought that was all it was! If he was wrong—

Adrien told Marinette to lay off Lila after the Chameleon attack in order to keep Marinette _out_ of Lila's sights. But if he hadn't? If instead he helped her fight _back_? Not like Anansi Césaire has been teaching them at the Park-By-Alya's-Place Dojo—tempting as Adrien suspects Marinette finds it; with as easily as Marinette holds her own against a bigger, stronger, and better-trained opponent, she'd mop the floor with Lila, though Lila not _having_ training might partly negate Marinette's unpredictability: for instance, someone who isn't used to nine out of ten opponents attacking right-handedly won't be thrown by finding out Marinette Montoya's dominant hand isn't what anyone thinks it is—

(He hopes another slot opens for M. D'Argencourt to take a new fencing student; getting to know and be soundly defeated by Kagami has been great, but if _Marinette_ —)

If Adrien helped Marinette fight back, not physically but verbally, keeping to the field of battle Lila has already declared—?

Lila lied to Chat Noir's face, keeping him focused on her instead of the akuma battle, when Oni-chan could have been hurting Ladybug for all he knew— _was_ hurting Ladybug, with her partner nowhere near! If he had known that sooner—or if he had known sooner Lila hurt _Marinette_ —

She was right. She was right all along.

Later, Adrien thinks, he will apologize to Ladybug, because had Adrien helped Marinette prove Lila lies, Ladybug and Chat Noir might not need to fight Lila today or to worry they'll need to, or to have fought Kagami the other week. He will also apologize to Chloé, because he isn't sure she can help being vicious, but he certainly prefers it when she is pointing it at deserving targets. And he will apologize to Marinette, profusely and possibly with a bouquet of pink roses and—whatever flowers mean 'sorry', he thinks, abandoning his shoelace in favor of googling flower language. White tulips? Or would that be too close to a flirtatious—

Lila storms out of the restroom, glaring daggers everywhere. Her expression softens briefly when she catches Adrien's eye, but she does not pause.

Adrien bolts to his feet (either she's Chameleon again or she hasn't been akumatized yet; either way the danger can't have passed, so he can't let her out of his sight) and follows. She's moving like she'd cheerfully plow through a brick wall if it got in her way and the wall would regret it more than she would, like Marinette does sometimes, and she's heading straight back into the classroom she just left, fists clenched—

He can hear Mylène apologizing to Marinette before he reaches the door, and Ivan's distinct bass though no words are clear; he gets line of sight back on Lila in time to see her shove between Ivan and Mylène and throw her weight into a right jab at Marinette.

Marinette, who barely blocks in time, and clumsily, like she didn't notice Lila coming—

Lila's left cross slams Marinette into the desk behind her.

There are too many people between him and them: Adrien wading in now might not help Marinette, and with as easy as Lila's eeling out of Ivan's bear hug, ducking Marinette's flailing right hook, and evading Mylène's attempt to shield Marinette, Adrien might only make it worse. He can block the door, though; if Lila is akumatized then she might well break a wall or window, but if she's simply vicious then she won't get out without going through Adrien. If nothing else, he can snatch back Marinette's purse as Lila passes—

Marinette _screams_ , her hands flying to the sides of Lila's head. Lila jerks herself back, snarling, and yanks the pendant off Marinette's neck: its broken cord hangs from the fist she drives into Ivan's gut. Alix lunges for Lila, and Alya and Nino try to pin her between them: she bounds over Marinette's desk instead, ready to barrel through Adrien, who—

What the _fuck_.

Adrien scrambles up from the floor by the teacher's desk—meets Marinette's shocked and teary gaze, catching his breath, and notes in one glance her visible injuries: bleeding from the lip and both ears, reddening splotches on the right jaw and left arm and the thin line of the pendant cord, one hand pressed to her breastbone and the other coming away crimson-laced from the back of her head—

He throws himself out the door, ready to make Lila _pay_ , but she's already gone.


	2. right now on a silver platter—but what would it matter?

Lila's likeliest direction is out of the school: Adrien fumbles his phone back out as he jogs, types half a reassuring text to Marinette, and backspaces it all—Lila may have her phone. He texts Nino instead:

> _Model Behavior:_ Take care of Marinette? 🦋☔?

No point waiting for a reply: Lila remains thoroughly out of sight, so Adrien ducks down into the Métro station. "Plagg—"

"Something's weird," Plagg warns him, darting up to Adrien's ear. "Be careful."

Adrien nods, checks for watchers again, and (finding none) says, "Claws out!"

Chat Noir runs up the other entrance-exit staircase and vaults up to the school roof. No one and nothing looks suspicious, and—except Vanisher the first day or two, and he bets the reason that changed is Chloé wasn't making a big deal of her 'haunted' closet and Hawkmoth got impatient—the one thing they can count on with akumas is they _get attention_.

The glorious thing about having teammates—or potential teammates—whose names he knows? He can get more eyes on the action, while he himself searches the area, keeping one eye on his texts, the news, and the Ladyblog. He won't ask Carapace, or not _as_ Carapace, not when Nino's already replied to Adrien—

> _MC Squared:_ absolutely, dude
> 
> _MC Squared:_ NOBODY wants to find out how scary an akuma she'd be

—but it's great that he doesn't even have to convince Chloé this is worth doing first.

> _Catastrophe:_ hey energizer
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ keep an eye out, pretty sure lila got akumatized
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ ENERGIZER?!!?!
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ probably after Marinette & Chloé?
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ 👍🏼
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ let me know if you see anything
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ 🐰

He calls Ladybug; she doesn't answer—not transformed, then.

> _Catastrophe:_ odds went up
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ lila does NOT do actual fistfights
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ might break a nail
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ plagg says something's weird
> 
> _Lovebug:_ definitely akuma
> 
> _Lovebug:_ stuck as civilian. where are you?

He's typed _Anaïs N_ when Alix's text arrives:

> _Skate or Die:_ okay we knew she has it out for Marinette and pretends she doesn't but SERIOUSLY???

Her next text is a link to a photo post Lila just made, tagging half the class, and oh Gods he hopes it means nothing that she tagged all (counting Alix and not Ladybug) and _only_ those who have wielded Miraculouses:

> Everyday heroes should be appreciated every day. I'm bringing treats to the fire station, courtesy of the best bakery in Paris!
> 
> [Image: Lila Rossi, carrying bakery boxes and grinning, outside Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Pâtisserie]

…Lila has never once posted an image description to her social media, Chat Noir thinks, examining the photo for other important details. (Lila's jacket is draped over her arm. He can't tell if she still has Marinette's purse, though she's visibly still carrying her own.) That's _Alya's_ soapbox (she doesn't usually get descriptions and transcripts on the Ladyblog _quickly_ , but she always _does_ it), and Marinette is consistent about remembering to include them, unlike literally everyone else they know, including Alya. Lila praises Alya for doing it—never Marinette; possibly partly because the site description for Carmine by Marinette doesn't make a point of accessibility buzzwords and the Ladyblog's About page _does_ , but this being Lila and Marinette, that's probably not even related—but Lila herself is 'so forgetful'.

(Why, he thinks for the thousandth time, can't Lila just do performance art that she _tells people_ is performance art, and that she doesn't drag people into when they don't want to join her onstage? Or, you know, _do_ the work she claims she does—which might be less effort than keeping track of the lies!)

> _Skate or Die:_ worried she's stealing Marinette's diary
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ 😬👍🏼 thanks
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ can't press assault charges if akuma but diary might not magic home
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ ugh yeah

He forwards Ladybug the link.

> _Catastrophe:_ OOC
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ to bakery

Marinette's bedroom, as best Chat can tell without actually going in the skylight, is empty and undisturbed.

> _Lovebug:_ or you could go to the fire station
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ or i could make sure nobody's stealing my friend's diary

Chat swings down and enters the bakery like an ordinary customer; Mme. Cheng looks up from the knot of customers at the sound of the bell. "Sorry to interrupt, Madame," Chat says, pulling up Lila's post on his baton as he weaves through to the cash register. "This girl—" Mme. Cheng peers at the photo. "Did she say or do anything odd while she was here?"

Mme. Cheng frowns. "Unless you count paying over a hundred-fifty euro for pastries, no."

"Over a _what_ now?" Chat repeats. _Adrien_ has never paid over a hundred-fifty euro for pastries. Adrien has never paid over twenty euro for pastries! (He'll have to keep the idea in mind, though. And if he tells Nathalie he's going to pay twice that, then that's that much more cash he can easily sneak into the Ladybug Emergency Fund.)

Mme. Cheng opens the cash drawer and takes out the top several €20 bills, tilting each back and forth and holding them up to the light. "She paid with real money," she assures him, putting the bills back. "Unless it's a leprechaun gold akuma, like in Harry Potter?"

"—Hadn't thought of that," Chat says, startled. "I hope not—Ladybug can't always put things back where they came from, and I don't know how we'd compensate you if—"

"Chat Noir," interrupts a customer, dryly amused, "I owe you each some nine or ten hours' worth of babysitting pay at—" The woman glances at Mme. Cheng; he belatedly places her because the stroller parked by the wall contains little August (otherwise known as Lollipop, because that's _still_ the thing he most often says while akumatized). "I don't know the going rates, Sabine, what does Marinette charge for babysitting?"

"Eight euro an hour, but August is a lot younger than the others."

"—at ten euro per hour," continues August's mother, "times one point five for hazard pay. At least! If Sabine's till is short tonight because an akuma stole some pastries, I'll cover it."

Chat Noir blinks at her a lot. ("Do not insult me, Pauline Leclair," Mme. Cheng tells her, smiling.) Then shakes his head: Lila is still out there, still akumatized, still hurt Marinette—which hopefully Mme. Cheng will not know about until after Marinette has become uninjured. "So Lila came in, bought pastries, and left?" he clarifies.

"That's correct," says Mme. Cheng.

"Nothing else?"

"—Should there be?"

Chat shrugs. "That's odd enough as it is. I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything. And that she hasn't done anything," he adds, navigating his baton to show her his notes app:

> lila hates marinette enough without hawkmoth's help

Mme. Cheng nods. "You're a good friend," she says, gaze flickering across Mme. Leclair and the other customers, "to the city."

Right. He grins, says "Thank you for your time," and is out the door. Marinette's balcony is a safe enough place to check his texts:

> _Lovebug:_ or you could go to the fire station
> 
> _Lovebug:_ no seriously
> 
> _Lovebug:_ where are you
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ going to the fire station apparently
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ you?

Where is the fire station, anyway? He tabs to Alix:

> _Catastrophe:_ update?
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ okay so I know you don't know Marinette that well
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ ?
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ so I need you to trust me when I say this is REALLY WEIRD
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ ???
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ she's the center of attention right now
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ it's not like Darkblade where she's leading us to safety or whatever
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ it's not even her birthday
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ DEFinitely weird
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ …you know what I'm not asking
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ and she's kinda
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ in sixième she fractured her ankle
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ nobody noticed for two weeks
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ (like, we knew injured, doctor missed how bad injured)
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ she doesn't complain like this
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ EVER

…Exactly how often has Marinette injured herself with Adrien watching, without his _noticing_? And what the fuck is this akuma's deal?

> _Catastrophe:_ stick to her like glue
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ I know
> 
> _Skate or Die:_ oh look

Lila's new post, with the same tagged classmates, reads:

> …All I did was buy them a few dozen pastries and tell them how glad I think Ladybug and Chat Noir must be for Paris's bravest, especially with akuma battles like Stormy Weather, Oni-chan, and Heroes' Day.
> 
> You would think I hung the moon.
> 
> [Image: Lila Rossi with five really happy firefighters from Station 83 and a bunch of pastries from Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Pâtisserie, the best bakery in Paris!]

Chat texts Alix 😲, screenshots both Lila's posts so he has proof tomorrow that _Lila Rossi_ complimented _that firefighter_ over his involvement in the _Oni-chan battle_ , and tabs back to Ladybug:

> _Lovebug:_ stuCK AS CIVILIAN
> 
> _Lovebug:_ WHERE ARE YOU
> 
> _Catastrophe:_ trying to find the fire station and worry about marinette at the same time

He is honestly not sure whether to hope Lila _was_ or _wasn't_ already akumatized when she attacked Marinette. If she was, he can beat her into the pavement without guilt. If she wasn't…

…okay, yes, guilt is a powerful motivator in the opposite direction, but _no one_ hurts Marinette.

Chat Noir drops into a secluded corner half a block from Station 83; Adrien walks over, trying to exude an air of concern for a classmate he doesn't actually dislike. Lila's outside, talking with two firefighters; Adrien recognizes the man as the very one who didn't believe Lila's 'broken ankle' story. (Or who triaged the situation and didn't believe a broken ankle was important, next to the big freaking Pinocchio horn on her head; he isn't sure.)

That firefighter sees Adrien first, and Lila turns: her eyes light, then dim, heartbreakingly green. "A-Adrien!" she exclaims; he has never before heard Lila stammer. "Can I talk to you for a minute? In private," she adds. "Thank you again, Captain Hessenpy, Corporal Lín."

"Just our jobs," says Corporal Lín. (He thinks. Her badge doesn't say 'Captain', anyway, and the more familiar face's badge does.) "Little harder with the purple Post-It around, but we're honored to help Ladybug and Chat Noir protect our city."

"Thank you for thinking of us," adds Captain Hessenpy.

Lila reaches for Adrien—jerks her hand back and brushes one of her sidelocks away from her bare ear (doesn't she usually wear earrings? he _tries_ not to notice such details—) and tucks her hand back under her jacket, still draped over her other arm. "Come on," she tells him, and Adrien follows her down the street. She drops onto one of the benches set up at intervals, the one second-nearest the fire station. "Sit down."

Adrien, cautious, does.

Quietly, she says, "I need your help."

Adrien scowls. "You were just beating the crap out of one of my best friends, _after_ I told you to stop hurting the people I love, and now you are asking me for help."

She startles at the word 'love', he thinks; she hides it so quickly he can't be sure he saw it at all. "You might hear me out," Lila says, but it sounds defeated. She glances in the direction they came. "I don't—you don't have to. It doesn't have to be you."

Everything about this has been ringing wrong, wrong, _wrong_. And he _still_ cannot be certain whether he is or isn't talking to an akuma! "What do you need help with?" Adrien asks. "And why should anyone help you with it?"

Lila shrugs. "Something about being honored to help the Heroes of Paris protect their city?" She flicks another glance toward the fire station.

"—What are you talking about?"

"I don't know where Chat Noir is," Lila tells him. "I'm not sure if he's looking for Ladybug or an akuma, but either way, _good fucking luck_."

The stabbing certainty with which she spits the phrase—

"Once I'm done explaining," she continues, more determined than he has ever seen Lila, "I need you to find him. Tell him—" She swallows and yanks out her phone, angling it so he can watch her tap the red new-note icon and type one-handed:

> Tell him, not letting her rain on Paris's parade wasn't my best effort, but I couldn't think of anything else fast enough, and I wanted to see him smile.

Why would Lila (Adrien thinks, his heart bleeding furiously now she's yanked the blade from the emotional wound)—why would Lila expect Chat Noir to think that means anything to him? It reminds him of something Ladybug said once, but—

> Tell him, when he gave me a pink rose, my father said the hamster's name was Nightmare.

"What hamster?" Adrien says blankly. He has never given Lila any roses. He isn't sure Lila _has_ a father.

"There is no hamster, Adrien," snaps Lila. "That's not the point."

"…What is the point?"

Lila glares at him, dropping her phone onto her thigh long enough to mime _shush_.

—He is so confused right now.

> Tell him that was the second one. The first one was red, and I knew he smelled a rat, and

"I never wanted to lie to him," Lila says, as though the resonant force of her emotion could give her words the ring of truth, "and I'm _sorry_!"

She shoves her jacket at him, leaps up, and _runs_ , stifling sobs, her purse bouncing on the end of its strap.

Adrien should follow her, he knows, but he doesn't _want_ to get up—

At the street corner, she turns and vanishes.

—Shit shit shit Ladybug is going to—no, she is _not_ (he reminds himself again), she's always far harsher on her own mistakes than anyone else's—

Something's inside the jacket, he realizes, and opens the bundle of fabric.

Marinette's purse.

Marinette, whom Chat Noir _did_ give a pink rose. Tom Dupain _did_ say Marinette's future hamster, when she and Chat Noir ran the family bakery together, would be named Nightmare.

Chat Noir only gave Marinette that one rose, though. Adrien gave Kagami a red rose once, after Ladybug refused it, and before that, Chat Noir gave Ladybug—

Ladybug, who gave Marinette the Rat Miraculous. Marinette, who gave it back thoughtlessly enough Chat Noir hasn't been willing to suggest they give her the Rat again or the Bee or another, never mind how he wants to. Marinette, who only got her minuscule hands on his ring because he _knew_ that was Ladybug and she wanted him to pretend he knew nothing.

_Ladybug_ , who told Chat Noir they wouldn't let Stormy Weather rain on Paris's parade. Because they were staring Death in the face, and she could see how afraid her partner was, and _she wanted to see him smile_.

(They were staring the extinction of all life on earth in the face, but he thinks Ladybug didn't know that at the time either.)

None of that should mean much to Hawkmoth. (He hopes.) And if there's an akuma in earshot, they can never be certain he isn't listening.

Adrien stares down at the purse, innocent in white-speckled fairy-tale pink. He pops open the clasp.

It's a lot emptier than he expected, given the rabbits he's seen Marinette pull out of this top hat before. There's a billfold with some cash and some cards. Her keyring, complete with keys and a flash drive, with Chat Noir's pawprint signature painted onto the black plastic in what looks like glittery lime nail polish with a clear top coat. Two small T&S boxes, one containing (he guesses) two lavender dark chocolate macarons and three raspberry, and one that stings him to touch, which won't open easily. A stick of lip balm; a USB cord, wall adapter, and battery bank; Marinette's travel sewing kit. Four protein bars and a sealed 250mL water bottle. The orange and blue string of beads Adrien made her—the second one, the lucky charm he gave her without asking Father's opinion on its quality. (The first one is probably long since in the landfill; Adrien certainly hasn't seen it since.) A double-zippered pouch, with some pink fabric things in each side; it takes him a few moments too long to identify them (with help from the Midol bottle) as reusable menstrual pads and, embarrassed and grabbing for her hand sanitizer, to zip the pouch up again.

And two cabochon earrings, each red with five black dots, the post of one stuck through the butterfly back of the other. Paris has no shortage of imitation Miraculouses for sale—hell, Gabriel Fashions has half that market share; Adrien's still pissed off that he cannot touch any of this money and, without signing her legal name, Ladybug can claim none. But, where his ring feels like sunlit breezes and the potential energy of the apex moment midair, these earrings are rooted in dark earth.

Ladybug's earrings felt just like this, mother-of-pearl in his hand.

Plagg darts out of his hiding place in Adrien's lung. "Tikki?" he asks, diving into the purse. " _Tikki_!"

The trick with the top hat and the rabbit, Ladybug told him once when he boggled at the size of something she was storing away in her yo-yo, is that the rabbit was never in the top hat to begin with. A pity, she said, she couldn't sew pocket dimensions to all her jeans—"Not really pocket science, is it?" said Chat Noir, for lack of a better targeted physics joke; "you must spend too much time sewing," retorted Ladybug, "you're running out of material"—but no one would think it was odd that she carried the same purse every day. As Marinette does.

Mme. Mendeleiev had her students survey each other recently for a statistics project, and Rose eventually gave up and excluded Marinette from her data, because it was easier to do that than to keep arguing about whether Marinette is cross-dominant or ambidextrous. (Mme. Mendeleiev changed up the next lesson plan to an overview of the nutritional importance of trace minerals. She started with a graph showing eleven chemical elements by percentage of human body mass to one decimal point, a total of one hundred point zero percent, to demonstrate the problems with tossing out rare data points.) Nathaniel was one of two left-handed people Rose surveyed; Jean Duparc was the other. Lila was in that data set, and Adrien saw Lila slam Marinette into the next desk with a _left_ cross, and Adrien _saw_ Marinette neither notice Lila's approach—it's more fun for him to sneak up on Marinette than on anyone else because Marinette is a _challenge_ —nor mount any defense Anansi Césaire wouldn't scoff at.

Marinette's earrings are dark cabochons, reddish-black and about this size, and he has never seen her without them. Except the morning they met, and less than an hour the day she meant to model her designs beside him—the day Ladybug and Chat Noir traded places—and today. After Lila's hands tore them from Marinette's ears, leaving blood on both earring posts.

"Plagg?" Adrien asks, hearing the tremble in his voice; now, he finds, he can get to his feet. "Just how fucked are we?"

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Dreamwidth](https://alexseanchai.dreamwidth.org/) and [Tumblr](https://alexseanchai.tumblr.com/).


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